Listen in as David Shriner-Cahn and I talk about running your own ship. David loves working with people who have left the corporate world and gone into consulting. This is a huge shift for many professionals, who now have to market, network, and charge for their services. We had a great conversation on why using a personal spending plan is key to figuring out how much you need to charge. And we talked about how paying yourself first is the most important. We also discussed pricing—how do you avoid undercharging? And how do you set and raise your fees while building a sustainable business? And last, we discussed the role of community for business owners. I shared my experiences of how my participation in business groups over the years has been key to my business success. So, if you are self-employed, or thinking of hanging out your own shingle, listen to this episode.

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-transform-your-relationship-with-money/id903756992?i=1000591289823

When I met Rebecca, she was in her early forties.

She was a well-respected marketing manager in the technology industry. And she was working an insane number of hours every week. 

At our first meeting she told me, “I’ve never made this much money in my life.”

The crunch

While she was surprised and delighted by her income, she was also becoming increasingly concerned and stressed about her work-life balance. She felt as if she was wearing golden handcuffs. The high salary, benefits, and stock options made her feel she would be crazy to leave the position for something that paid less. 

She didn’t have time to work out or unwind. She had been missing many important events for her friends and family because she was working or recovering from working too much. When she did make it out with friends, or find a way to take a few days off for a vacation, she felt too stressed to enjoy it. 

In the back of her mind, she always wondered if she should find a less stressful job. She yearned for a job where she could spend more time on the weekends with friends and family. She wanted a job that didn’t require her to be on her email every waking moment. She wanted a job that ended before 8:00 p.m. every night.

The fog

She was in a fog about her money. In fact, she had never really looked at her money. She was anxious to really see where she was spending her money. She was worried about what she might find.

What if she found that all this hard work, all this time, wasn’t really helping her save money? What if she wasn’t “making this count”? 

Sometimes she even carried credit card debt. She felt embarrassed. She made “made enough,” so how could she let this happen?

As a money coach, I helped Rebecca look at her expenses and savings for the first time in a long time. 

What she saw

Many things become apparent very quickly. There were “money leaks”—money going to subscriptions and services she no longer cared about. And she saw that she was doing a fair amount of “stress spending” to cope with her crazy schedule.

She felt she was on a money hamster wheel—she needed to make enough to spend on big vacations where she could de-stress from her hard work, only to start the cycle over again when she returned. She was shocked at some of the totals we saw.

However, when she looked at how she wanted to live her life, she also began to see that she did not need to make her current salary. Yes, it was nice, but a fair amount of it was going to support her stress spending, or simply leaking out to unimportant things.

And when we looked at her net worth, we saw that the picture was better than she feared.

The light at the end of the tunnel

Her money fears quickly calmed down as she exited the “money fog”. We dove into what she truly needed and wanted in her life, and this brought more clarity. She began to feel in control of her money for the first time. 

A job opened up at a non-profit she kept her eyes on. Lo and behold, she felt she could make the leap. She knew now that it would pay more than enough for her to enjoy her life and keep her on track for the future. 

The golden handcuffs unlocked and fell to the floor.

Her new schedule gave her time to attend a regular yoga class. She re-connected with friends she loved dearly. She started sleeping better, too.

This is the power of financial clarity and creating a nourishing spending plan. The door to your ideal life unlocks and opens for you.

The kitchen ceiling

It was a dark and rainy night, and I was returning home from the dance studio where I had been happily dancing Tango. Money was definitely not on my mind. Rather, tango dresses occupied my thoughts. I walked in the door and my 12-year-old niece who lives with me, ran to me. “Auntie! There’s water coming out of the ceiling in the kitchen! Come!” My heart in my throat, I raced to the kitchen where sure enough, I could see water dripping slowly from three places. It was hitting the table and forming a pool on the floor.

I could feel my throat constrict, my vision narrow, and panic well up in my gut. I then ranted, both out loud and inside my head: “What am I going to do?! This will cost a fortune! There goes my travel plans when the pandemic ends! I just finished the remodel! Why oh why?!” My niece, less triggered in the moment, got a bucket out. 

I stormed out of the kitchen and retreated to my bedroom, unable to temporarily control my emotions in the face of impending doom. The world was ending, the sky was falling, and the roof was caving in. 

Signs of being triggered

I knew some of my core fears were being triggered. “Triggered” generally means you experience a surge of fear and anxiety, and bleak emotions descend and take hold of you.  Underneath the panic lurks some of our core fears. We all get emotionally stirred up, but how do we know when we are financially triggered? For me, I know my core fears are provoked when:

• My thinking slows down and gets fuzzy. (My brain capacity seems to narrow down to the width of a straw…)
• I can’t really hear people around me (possibly giving me sound advice)
• I can hear myself catastrophizing 
• I feel trapped and tell myself there are no options
• I go into black and white thinking

What about you? How do you know when you are deeply triggered? How do you react? Do you feel it in a part of your body like a stomachache or anxiety in your chest? Where does your mind race to? Knowing you are triggered is a sign to stop and look deeper, before taking action.

Our top money fear

When I looked deeper, I knew it was my biggest money fear coming up, “Something bad will happen and I won’t survive financially”. Usually it is just shortened to: something had will happen and I won’t survive. 

This core fear is the number one fear that women have around money. (And many men too.) We fear something bad happening, and suddenly the future is in jeopardy. What if we get injured and can’t work? What if our child gets sick? What if a storm damages our house so bad…? 

Worry, worry, worry.  Our nightmares take us to living under a bridge, or at the mercy of other’s financial help (living on a friend’s couch?) We fear that when disaster strikes, we will come up short financially and we will not be safe.

Author Rachel Cruze wrote about money fears in her newly released book, Know yourself, Know your money. “Every single one of us either has or has had fears about money. In fact, studies show that not having enough money is one of the top things American’s fear most. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or make, everyone has experienced fear around money…. The kind of fear that wakes you up at one o’clock in the morning in a sweat with your heart racing…”

And part of the problem with money fear, she writes, is that “fear narrows the mind’s focus to survival only and blocks out creativity.” It’s hard to solve problems when all creativity has vanished.

At times, our money fear is about the present—I’m afraid I can’t weather something bad happening, like a leaky roof, and then I won’t be able to pay my bills this month. Sometimes it is about the murky future. This usually goes, “If something really bad happens, my future is threatened.  I’ll have to work forever or be dependent on others…” etc. etc.

Home and security

For me, and for a lot of women, many of our money fears do get wrapped up in security, and this is often very connected to our homes. It is why so many women desperately fight to keep the home in a divorce, whether they can afford it or not. 

My home is everything. It is my refuge. I am the ultimate home body. Perhaps it is because I am a solid introvert, but my home is truly important. It is both real security (no landlord can kick me out) and it is emotional security. To have my home, of all things, feel unstable, was deeply triggering.  Generally, if something bad happens, I retreat to my home. This is true for many of us.

So how to move forward and come out of fear that we won’t survive something bad happening?

Dissolving Our Money Fears- Four Steps

Step One: Notice you are being triggered. 

Go back and look at the trigger list. What are your triggers? Then ask yourself, what is the worst-case scenario you envision, and how likely is it to happen? Is the world really ending? Is catastrophe eminent? Is your life being threatened? Generally, the answer is no.

As I said above, when I notice my thinking slowing down, or I am catastrophizing, or my options are very extreme (black and white thinking) I know I am triggered. This tells me to slow down, not make any decisions, and repeat to myself, “I am okay, I will get through this. The answers are coming.” I repeat this over and over.  And then I move to step two.

Step Two: List your resources. 

Second, start listing out resources: money, people, ideas. Remember, when you are gripped with money fear, your creativity dwindles. So you will likely need help brainstorming. This is normal.

When the roof was leaking, I was seriously freaked out. And I had no idea what to do. (Fuzzy thinking.) So my list was: 1. Call my mom and see if she had advice, or any names of roofing people, since she was doing work on her house. 2. Text my boyfriend, rant a bit, and tell him I needed to brainstorm with him the next day about roof stuff. 3. Call my friend Ken who has done a lot of contracting in his life. I asked him if he would come over and look at the roof with me and help me think about next steps. 4. Eventually, as I calmed down, I added to the list to call my old contractor and see if he could come and give me advice too. (Sometimes I post for ideas on Facebook.)

The point with step two is that you don’t need to have answers yet. Listing out resources, such as people you can talk to, will help you find the answers. You simply may need help brainstorming.

Step Three: Look at your savings. 

The top antidote to money fears is to have emergency savings in the bank. There is no greater help. I teach my clients to save for “periodic expenses” so they can cover unexpected expenses that periodically happen. Why? Because periodically, we all have the unexpected happen. Don’t expect life not to happen. Oh, it happens… So, while I still didn’t have any answers, I felt a bit better after I brainstormed initial options with people and then looked at my savings. I certainly did not have a budget line labeled “Roof Repair”, let alone “New Roof” but looking at what I had in savings did help me feel like the world wasn’t ending. There WAS money in savings for upcoming trips, furniture, and other larger expenses.

The next day I made the calls and started gathering info. 

Step Four: Look at your annual plan.

Eventually, by the next week, I had enough information that I sat down with my annual spending plan and came up with a plan. Part of why I am so keen on helping people learn how to plan, and ADJUST their spending when things happen, is that there is literally nothing that helps more with financial stress than having a plan. (My favorite tool for doing an annual spending plan is www.moneygrit.com) 

 Time and time again my money plan has calmed me down. I do not relish having to cut something, or wait on buying something, but compared to the fear of impending doom? I’ll take a money plan any day!!

Eventually, I had a good plan and was less freaked out. (I’m replacing part of my roof.) 

We ALL get triggered around money. Know this is normal. The key is to calm ourselves, and begin to brainstorm. Yes, it is ideal to also have some savings and a plan. Savings is simply one of our resources. So while we can’t predict what will happen, we can do certain things now that will calm us the next time the roof starts leaking, like starting a savings fund. 

Fears may come up, but it IS possible to dissolve them and breathe easier, knowing you will be okay. 

Ready to earn more and step into greater freedom? Click here to be notified of the next time Mikelann offers her 8 week Unlock Your Earning Power course.

I’ve taught many classes on conquering underearning. And one common belief that comes up for women time and again is the assumption that if you made better money, you would have to work harder and have less personal time.

Our time is precious to us. I get it! We want time for our ourselves, time for our families, time for our lives. Work has to fit into our life and not lead to burnout. But is this assumption true that earning more money means we must work more hours? 

I was musing this question when the Sunday Seattle Times showed up in my inbox. In it was Parade Magazine, a newspaper magazine carried by many U.S. newspapers. They were doing their popular annual report called “What People Earn in 2020”, where they survey people across the United States, and ask them what they do and how much they make. 

The range is pretty astonishing, and fascinating. But what struck me when I was reading through it was the different amounts people earned for doing pretty much the same amount of work. For example, there was a 58-year-old school nurse who earned $44,000 a year, a 57-year-old social worker who earned $67,000 a year and a 57-year-old meteorologist who earned $83,840 a year. All worked full time. All women. All in the Midwest. 

Does the woman who is the school district nurse work hard? Absolutely! That is a difficult, and sometimes under appreciated job. What about the social worker or the meteorologist? They work hard too. All women spend their days working with people and are engaged in many different activities. All put in their hours. But one makes $43,840 more than the other. If you are going to work 40 hours a week, why not choose something you like that also makes great money? 

The dilemma is that many women assume that if they earn a higher salary, it would mean they had to work more and hence have less personal time.

Barbara Stanny, in her classic book Secrets of Six Figure Women, commented on this belief that more money equaled less personal time. She assumed that women who made really good money must all be workaholics. But what she found was quite different. In fact, a majority of women who earned over $100,000 a year worked forty hours a week or LESS. “It was the intensity of focus on their work, not the number of hours they spend doing it, that factored so heavily into these women’s financial success.” 

In other words, if you work hard during your “work” time, you will free yourself up during your non work time. I find this to be very true in my own work life. When I am working, I do nothing else. Being self-employed, this can be challenging. But I silence alerts on my phone, turn off my email, and focus intensely on my work for a certain period of time.  I believe this compartmentalizing of work and personal time is a key to maintaining balance and a sense of “having a life” outside of work. 

But the women in the Parade article were not self-employed. They were all salaried and they all worked full-time. 

I find that the answer to this riddle often goes all the way to college when most of us did not ask the question, “How much money could I make if I studied this?”  We often choose our career without thought of our future earning potential.

Again, if you are going to work 40 hours a week, why not pick a career that pays well? Also, how high- pressured of a career are you considering? Will the career you choose demand more than full time hours? All of these are important considerations for something as important as the career you choose.  The intersection of time and money is always worthy of deep reflection. 

For most of us, college was a long time ago. So now we need to examine our assumptions and see how they impact us.

When we assume something (more money will mean more work) it robs us of looking thoughtfully at many possibilities. Unexamined assumptions kill our creativity. 

Many years ago when I was married, my husband was offered a job that paid more with a different company. But after investigating the time demands and work culture of this other company, he turned it down. He decided the extra money was not worth the extra time they would demand of him. And he never regretted it.

Knowing how much he needed to earn, (and not earn) allowed him to make a thoughtful decision. And he did not assume more money always had to mean more hours. And in fact, the following month he asked for a raise at his current job and received it.

If we assume we can make good money and have enough personal time, we may look at career options with a different eye. We may negotiate for schedules that work better for us. We may think carefully about our next job change. (The average American changes jobs 12 times as an adult.) We may say no to intrusive demands. And we may negotiate with our domestic partners for more equitable sharing in household chores, to free up more time.

Examining our assumptions is key to earning more money in a way that leads to a balanced life.  So what do YOU believe?

Ready to earn more and step into greater freedom? Click here to be notified of the next time Mikelann offers her 8 week Unlock Your Earning Power course.

Recently I was doing some money coaching with my boyfriend. It’s always luxurious to do coaching in front of a fire in a cozy living room, but besides that, it looked like many of my coaching sessions. Well, I did have a glass of wine in my hand.

We were talking about his multiple accounts- and how they were not quite working for him. He kept a lot of money in one checking account and transferred money as he needed it into a second checking account that he spent out of it.  He liked seeing a large balance in the first checking account, but it wasn’t particularly organized. And he often hesitated, unsure if he should pull the trigger on a larger project. Lucky for him, he was dating a money coach.

One of the things I (strongly) suggested was that he use only ONE checking account, not two. Nothing crazy about that idea, though it would streamline his finances a bit and cut down on transferring money around to cover things.

Having two or more checking accounts generally causes havoc and money fog for most people, regardless of how many credit cards or savings accounts one has.

(Your savings and credit cards should be connected to this ONE checking account.)

But what I want to share with you was our savings conversation.

I explained to him that part of why he wasn’t feeling particularly secure was that the large chunk of money in his checking account was functioning partly as his safety net (if he left his job and had no money coming in) and partly for large projects (like rebuilding his beloved motorcycle and replacing his wood stove) and partly for boring bills and monthly spending. It was all mixed.

I recommend he have ONE checking account and TWO savings accounts.

I had him name one savings account “Safety Net”. He loved the sound of “Safety Net”- it made good sense to him. He put three months of expenses in there and LEFT IT ALONE. (Many of my clients like to call it “Freedom Fund”.) Done. Don’t touch it. Stop transferring money in and out of it.  If anything happened to his job, he was covered for a few months.

He already felt better.

Then he named his other savings account “Project Savings”. This is a name we brainstormed together. Many of my clients know I use the term “Periodic Savings” for periodic expenses, but my guy liked the term “project savings” better. Words are powerful and you have to resonate with what you name things. So great by me! This savings account is for both the unexpected (like car repair and leaky pipes) and for the expected, like vacations and Christmas. Some finance people call this your emergency savings. I never like this because some of these “emergencies” are fun- like going to Hawaii for a week. They are simply non-monthly.

But good or bad, these kinds of expenses are the bigger financial “hits” that stress him, and everyone else. He didn’t want to carry a balance on his credit card for these things, but he always felt bad when he pulled money out of his large checking account to pay them off. It felt like the “safety net” part of his money went up and down, and this didn’t feel good.

So, we got into his online banking interface and named his second savings account, “Project Savings”. I had him set up an auto transfer from his now single primary checking account to this account each month, of approximately $1,000. We debated the amount and changed it several times, as his list of “projects” grew. He knew he could pull the money out of this account whenever a “project” appeared.

My guy makes good money. He can always cover normal monthly expenses. But when he has a big project, he likes knowing now there is dedicated money for it that he can pull from—and this does not affect his safety net, which is now totally separate. He loves knowing he is saving up for these projects. His project list:

• Attending the national tango competition in California (with me!)
• Doing a mini-kitchen refresh and replacing some of his appliances
• Dental work beyond just maintenance work
• New wood stove in his living room

Here are examples of projects that my clients have on their own lists:

• New living room furniture project
• The breast reduction project
• Kids summer camp project
• Build a chicken coop in the backyard project
• Landscaping project
• European vacation project

What about you? What is your own list of “projects”? Consider a dedicated savings account for these periodic expenses, that is separate from your safety net and retirement accounts.

Saving money every month into a savings account such as this makes a HUGE difference in how you feel about money.  It also keeps you out of credit card debt.

Less stress and anxiety mean more time and space to enjoy life.

Here’s to a cozy fire, another glass of wine and a few grateful hugs from my boyfriend.

Ready to earn more and step into greater freedom? Click here to be notified of the next time Mikelann offers her 8 week Unlock Your Earning Power course.

Recently I was interviewed by Coming Home Magazine on how to make smart spending choices for gift giving. I really love the article they published with “six pro tips” and wanted to share it with you. ‘Tis the season! I hope this helps you save money and enjoy holiday shopping with less stress.

How to make smart spending choices for gift giving.

The average person spends about $1,000 a year on holiday gifts and will take until July to pay it off. We asked money coach Mikelann R. Valterra, MA, AFC®, to share her top tips so you won’t fall victim to the holiday spending hangover come January

Create a spending plan. Most people overspend during the holidays because they don’t do any planning or preparation. It may sound simple, but creating a holiday spending plan is one of the most important things you can do to stick to your budget. To start, make a list of everyone you’re going to shop for, gift ideas, and the amount you want to spend. Then, add it all up, make sure you’re comfortable with the dollar amount, and adjust as needed. A plan will help you get your shopping done faster and cut down on impulse buying. 

Pro Tip: Don’t carelessly create a plan on the back of an envelope and never look at it again. Keep your list with you, and when you buy a gift, update the list. With a plan in place, you’ll know when to stop shopping—if you don’t have a finish line, you’ll keep going. 

Buy group gifts. If you can, avoid giving individual gifts. If you’re shopping for a whole family, consider purchasing one all-encompassing present, like a game or an experience, instead of one for each family member. Buying for a group will save you time, money, and stress. 

Pro Tip: Another way to avoid buying individual gifts is by doing a name drawing. Decide on a price limit, put everyone’s name in a hat, take turns picking, and only shop for the person you choose. 

Have a single source of spending money. Ideally, it’s best to use cash when buying gifts; people can spend up to 20% more when using a credit card. However, if a credit card is your only option, you should use the same card for all your holiday shopping. Multiple cards can quickly lead to overspending. 

Pro Tip: If you’re putting gifts on a credit card, don’t buy more than you can pay off in two months. Also, stick to using a basic, low-interest credit card, not a store-specific one. 

Don’t worry about finding the perfect gift. It isn’t up to you to find the perfect gift that’ll fulfill all desires. You aren’t expected to be a mind reader; gifting should serve as an opportunity to express your fondness for the recipient. Nobody wants you to go into debt on your search for the perfect gift. 

Pro Tip: Some gifts should be considered “token gifts” that are small enough that the recipient doesn’t feel the need to reciprocate. You shouldn’t give just to get! 

Communicate expectations. Going overboard and over-gifting is a common problem this time of year. Being transparent and setting limits, both in terms of money and quantity, is crucial—especially when it comes to kids. You don’t have to feel guilty about spending too little. Help things go smoothly by communicating expectations early on. 

Pro Tip: Parents: ask your kids to share the top three things they loved about the holidays from the previous year. Often, their answers will include things like making cookies or looking at lights—not gifts. Make sure to schedule these activities into your holiday plans. Doing so will take the focus off gifts and keep everyone happy. 

Limit your shopping time. When you’re shopping, it’s easy to get into a trance and mindlessly spend money. If you’re shopping online, set a timer for 60 minutes. When the timer goes off, step away from your computer for a bit. If you’re at the mall, make it a priority to take a break every 90 minutes or so. Doing this will make you more thoughtful about your gifting and your spending. 

Pro Tip: These breaks don’t need to be long. If you’re at home, spend a few minutes unloading the dishwasher or updating your list. If you’re out and about, take five and grab a coffee or tea.

Mikelann Valterra is a money coach and accredited financial counselor with over 20 years’ experience. She specializes in working with women—coaching them on how to escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances, and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please visit www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life-changing work. Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money. 

This article is republished with permission. It was originally published in Coming Home Magazine.

A couple of Saturdays ago, I finally sat down with my magic crystal ball. I was ready to create my personal 2020 spending plan. I was a bit nervous this year about what I would see in the ball. I am finishing a large construction project on my house, and my son is in his third year of college. (Wow.) And I’ve become very involved in the Seattle Tango community, so of course I want to take lots of classes and go on tango trips. Who doesn’t want to dance and travel! But the cost. Yikes…

So I sat down with a cup of coffee, called up The Crystal Ball and set to work.

(Lights darken, crystal ball begins to glow, getting brighter and brighter, mists swirl in its depth and begin to part, and I lean forward, peering into the future….)

Two hours later, I had all my answers. Well, I had a lot of answers and I wanted time to think. To feel. To journal.  To digest the future I had just seen. This future seemed to have several scenarios and I was going to have to make some choices. I am reminded of that saying, “You can have anything you want, but you can’t have everything you want.” Rats.

So I poured another cup of coffee. And found some chocolate.

Each year I go through this ritual. I simply can’t imagine living without a crystal ball—my annual spending plan.  Some call it a “budget”, but I really hate that word and I don’t even let my money coaching clients use it. It’s a PLAN.  My plan. (The tool I love the most for creating a plan is www.moneygrit.com) I also create a plan every month to guide me through the month. And honestly it’s hard for me to imagine not having this monthly guiding light to keep my stress down. But every January I take it to the next level and plan the entire year. I do for myself what I help my clients do.

I think about all the things I really want in the coming year, and all of the things I need. (Like travel and new blinds and furniture for the addition.) I think about the reality of my life and what large expenses may occur regardless of my love of them—car repair, dental work…. I think about my goals and my dreams for the future.

Of course I also put all my normal monthly expenses into my annual plan, but I debate those too. Every year I look at my expense with a fresh eye. Is it time to change cable companies? Am I happy with my hairdresser? (Yes!) Is it time to let go of the hardcopy Sunday newspaper? (Maybe.)

When I work on my annual spending plan, I have to balance all of my expenses against the money I have coming in this year. Oh- that part. But there is a fundamental truth to money that doesn’t change: you simply cannot spend more money than you have coming in. Well, you can by using debt or draining your assets, but in the long run, there is great unhappiness and stress down that road.  

It’s certainly true that money is not the most important thing. But I find that when people have a clear plan and have a way to actually follow their plan, they think less about money and can settle down and focus on what is important in their life. I have definitely found this to be the case in my own life.

For now, I’m still working on my own annual plan. The beauty of the crystal ball is that it merely shows possible futures and outcomes. It shows me where I will be financially come next December if I do various things. Nothing is set in stone. I get to ultimately decide which path I will go down. Then I can relax and put some time into my hobbies, my family, my friends, my life.

I love the feeling of being in the driver’s seat of my own life!

P.S. The software I use with my clients to help them create an annual plan is here- www.moneygrit.com. It is spending plan software designed to help you step out of the “money fog” and start planning the life you want.

Thanksgiving is coming up. I hope you all have restful plans for it. After turkey, I personally plan on dancing tango the rest of the holiday weekend. Fun!  But before I put on dance shoes, I will draw names with my family for Christmas gifts. And so it begins… 

A few helpful gift-giving and money thoughts- 

• Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday to set gift expectations with your family. If you are going to draw names instead of giving every member of the extended family a gift, now is the time to do this. If you draw names, make sure you tell the group the financial limit. Think of this as a game and people need to know the “rules”. Passing the hat with names is a fun Thanksgiving activity. (One year we passed the hat twice- the adults in my family each drew one name for a $100 gift. Then we reloaded the hat with names and added the teenagers in the family. The second round was for a $25 gift, so the teens could be in on it. It was a fun and sweet gift exchange for the extended family gathering.)
• Are you bothered with the “do we really need more stuff??” Do a name drawing round and add another rule: each gift must be edible! Or create your own rules.
• If you have children, now is the time to set their expectations around their gift list and how much mom and dad are spending. Kids of all ages do well when they know what to expect.  Each year I tell my son the total of how much I am spending on his gifts, and he enjoys getting busy with his amazon wish list. Here are more ideas for sane gift giving: https://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/re-imagine-gift-giving-propose-changes-thanksgiving/ 
• Stressed in general over Christmas? Or are you dealing with being a single parent over the holidays?  Here is my four minute video on holiday sanity ideas https://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/6-tips-sane-holiday-gifting-video/
• The top way to avoid overspending is creating a list. We don’t just underestimate the money- we also tend to underestimate how many people we gift. So here is the link to creating a holiday spending plan:  https://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/create-holiday-spending-plan/