All posts by SeattleMoneyCoach

The food and money connection (video)

Did you know that food and money are connected in many ways? We spend and eat to feel better, or just to “numb out”. Yes, they both have a deeply emotional component to them. Here is my article on this. And here is a three minute video about this. I end it with three helpful questions to ask yourself so you can get a handle on both emotional spending and eating.


Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

The food and money connection

Food and FinancesAs a money coach, I ask new clients about their relationship to food.

What?! Why am I asking that? Because food and money issues are often related. For starters, they are the two most common things we turn to, to make ourselves feel better.

Think of it this way– when we are depressed, sad or angry, many of us will eat to make ourselves feel better or we’ll spend money to feel better. They are also how we sooth ourselves when we feel anxious.

How about you? Have you ever had a bad fight with a friend or a boss and then found yourself out shopping? Or perhaps indulging in some yummy ice-cream?

We also turn to spending or eating when faced with fear of lack or not having enough. When people start a weight loss program, for example, it is common for their spending to spiral out of control. They are afraid of being deprived in one area of their life (food) so they turn to another area (money) to indulge and prove to themselves that they are okay.

I’ve had many clients sheepishly confess that before coming to their first appointment with me they did some major shopping. Why? They were afraid that when they really looked at their money, they’d see they wouldn’t have enough and they would be forced to spend less. They were worried. So they wanted to spend before they saw they “shouldn’t” spend. Now the truth is that when you truly learn how to take control of your finances, you learn how to truly take care of yourself. There IS enough. But the initial fear is that of not-enough.

Yes, food and money swing in the same orbit. We use food and money to reward ourselves. Sometimes we use food and money to punish ourselves. (It’s true- sometimes we don’t spend enough money on ourselves and we don’t eat enough. We may also deprive ourselves by underearning.)

I find that yet another reason food and money are so related is that there is no hard core “bottom line” for either. You can’t say to yourself, “I just won’t eat.” or “I just won’t spend money.” You have to eat and you have to spend. So what is the right amount? This is where it gets very personal. You need to discover, for you, what your ‘bottom line behaviors” are around money. What are your personal guidelines? They may be different than someone else’s. Money is very personal. And all of this goes for food as well.

The good news is that when we become aware that eating and spending have an emotional component, change becomes easier. It’s not all about “just do it”. When you take the time to see what is underneath the behavior, true change becomes possible.

For starters, I have clients think on these three simple but deep questions when they feel drawn to spend in an emotional way:

1. How am I feeling right now?

2. Am I trying to change how I feel or am I trying to numb out?

3. How else might I go about taking care of my feelings?

And as you can guess, these questions can work for emotional eating as well.

Money and food are deeply related. So here is to thinking about your own relationship to them. What do you notice?

The key to simplifying your money — and your life (Video)

As a money coach, I am a huge proponent of simplicity. The more complex a person’s financial picture, often the more money fog creeps in. Multiple accounts invite fog- keeping us from truly seeing what we earn and spend as the money moves round and round among accounts… Simpler is better.  So here is a video I recorded for you on the key to simplifying your finances- and your life.


Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

 

 

Vision Board: How to create life you love (Video)

Check out my 4 minute video on vision boards- how to create a life you love. I talk about how vision boards work and how I created mine.  Every day you are visualizing what you want to call forth into your life. Some call this the “Law of Attraction” and others are inspired by the Olympic athletes who use this technique to successfully improve their craft. Whatever you call it, visualization is powerful . What you focus on, expands. And vision boards work because they are a potent form of visualization.. When you combine this visualization with your money skills, you can do anything.


Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

 

 

How to let go of past money mistakes

leuchtende Hnde“If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us we’d be millionaires” – Abigail Van Buren

Raise your hand if you’ve never made a mistake with money or never had a financial regret. Anyone? I thought not. We’ve all made mistakes with money.  I know I have.

So many women beat themselves up for how they’ve dealt with- or not dealt with- money. So we have to start this conversation with forgiveness.

First of all, everyone has made mistakes. Everyone. Some of us are mad that we incurred credit card debt. (I was upset with myself about that one.) Some of us regret not saving more money.  (I really got down on myself for that one too.)

Some of us feel we made a mistake buying a house we could not afford, or taking out large student loans. Some of us realize how much we have undersold ourselves. (I was shocked when I realized that people around me had asked for more money at one of my jobs. I hadn’t even negotiated!) People make all sorts of mistakes. Everyone has made mistakes and everyone has money regrets. Join the club. There’s plenty of room.

To compound our woes, we rarely talk about them. When we make relationship mistakes, we often hash over the “I can’t believe I did that” with girlfriends over a glass of wine. But when it comes to money, we can be extremely self-critical—suffering pangs of regret and remorse- replaying our money mistakes over and over in our head– mostly in isolation.

So I want you to consider the idea that you are NOT alone. Everyone has made money mistakes!

And now I want you to consider that it is time to forgive yourself so you can move on. One of my favorite quotes is this Victoria Holt quote -“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience!” And oh yeah, we’ve all got a heck of a lot of experiences.

I know you’ve heard it said that you did the best you could at the time, with where you were and what you knew. And that’s true. To err is human, remember. And you ARE human.

But I also want you to consider this- your health, emotional and physical- NEEDS you to forgive yourself. Every study done on the subject of forgiveness tells us that not forgiving actually harms our health. You are more prone to illness when you don’t forgive yourself.

So can you imagine saying, “I need to move on for the sake of my health?”

Some people have a hard time forgiving because they confuse it with forgetting. But they are not the same. You do not have to forget. You can use what has happened in your life around money as amazing fuel to move you forward. But you deserve to forgive yourself. What happened is one piece of your life, but it is not YOU.

Here is my vote: find the silver lining- so what is the silver lining? What did you learn? The school of hard knocks is hard, but it isn’t called a “school” for nothing. What would you do differently now? If this hadn’t happened, might it have happened in the future in a bigger or different way? There is a learning here. Find it.

For me, I was embarrassed about having credit card debt, and about not making enough money. I didn’t want to talk about it. But I thought about it- a lot. When I finally let myself talk about it, I could hear how self-critical I was. And once I started sharing my feelings, I experienced a huge sense of relief.

When I began to reflect on my financial life, I realized I had learned a lot. And I needed to experience what didn’t work in order to seek a new way.

Remember, to make mistakes is human. And making money mistakes does NOT define who we are. What we do about them, though, does say a lot. It is our capacity to see and learn and grow that makes us amazing human beings. Transforming and healing your relationship to money is a sacred journey, full of twists and turns at times. But it is a journey none-the-less. Is it time to forgive yourself so you can continue the journey?

The art and magic of simplifying your finances

housewife with rag / wipe and cleaning spray for windowWant to know a secret to feeling more peaceful and in control with your money? Simplify your finances. And the best way to do this is to limit the number of accounts you have. Simpler is better.

Over the years, I’ve seen just about everything. When new clients come in, one of the first things we do after they share their story is draw a picture of all their accounts and how the money flows. I’ve seen people with three checking accounts, four credit card accounts and three savings accounts—at multiple banks. It’s not uncommon.

Sometimes multiple accounts are a left over from a past relationship. (Divorce?) Other times people purposefully set up multiple accounts in an effort to manage their finances. “I’ll pay the mortgage from this account and my car and other bills from here. And this checking account is for fun….” And then they divide up the money among accounts- and then commence to move it around when it doesn’t quite work….

Other times it just feels like accounts breed behind our backs- sometimes from offers from banks. We want to be smart and get the better interest bearing account, so we open a new one….

I find that people are truly trying to do the best they can.

So here’s the deal: for many people the more accounts you have- the more money fog you are likely in. And the harder it is to plan what you want to do with your money. Simpler is better. Period.

People who are successful with money- who feel good about their finances and feel in “control” of their money– often have one checking account and one primary savings account linked to it. Then they have one credit card account.

That’s it.

One. The power of one.

One checking account. One savings account. One credit account.

In fact, studies show that people with multiple credit cards are often in danger of overextending and having late payments. The most successful/ high credit scores are actually owned by people that use one card. Two at the most. Multiple cards are often taken as a warning sign by credit institutions. It’s simply a lot to juggle, and banks know this.

And no matter what- the more accounts you spend out of, the harder it is to see what you spend.

So- can you close some accounts?

Multiple accounts are simply not worth the time and attention they take. Think of it like spring cleaning. Time to clean out the wardrobe, redo the insides of that kitchen cabinet, and rethink what accounts you want to use.

In the simplest, sanest and happiest of all worlds, primarily use one account- your checking account. Befriend your debit card. It’s very easy. (And as I’ve written about before, people spend more when they use credit as opposed to debit. It’s a brain thing- it’s very difficult to avoid overspending when you use a credit card because you simply don’t feel it in the same way. I’m not saying to not possess a credit card. You can use it for large purchases and then pay it off.  But it will be easier to do if you only have one credit card, and you seldom use it. And if you have one primary checking account, you can clearly see that you have the money to pay it off.)

But if you do use a credit card, use one card. That will simplify things immensely.

One is a magic number. Anxiety goes down with fewer places to look. Life calms down.

So, is it time to simplify things?

You are not screwed if you are divorced

So— I just read the most depressing article on divorced women and retirement funding. And it REALLY pissed me off. Perhaps not for the reasons you think. We have all heard how divorced women have less money for retirement, and often less money period.

But this article was so damn depressing I thought, “Okay, I’m divorced. So I guess I’m just screwed. I’d best just jump off a bridge now and be done with it. Since I sure as hell don’t want to live UNDER the freaking bridge.”

Now I’m not sure this is the effect they were looking for. And keep in mind that I’m a money coach, for god’s sake. But this article really hit me. (I’ve been stewing on it for a couple of weeks. I won’t even link to it here- it’s too depressing. On Slate.com. Email me if you want the link.)

I mean, what is the point of scaring people? To be clear, the article was not on how to get a better divorce settlement. Now THAT could be helpful. If you are divorced, well, you are divorced. And are you trying to scare women in to staying in bad marriages? Really? So if you are in a horrid, or just loveless, this-chapter-in-my life-has-definitely-run-its-course (and I may have married the wrong guy to begin with) marriage, well, too bad. No matter how bad it is, you should stay married. Are you kidding me?? REALLY???

I think not.

I am divorced and I have created a wonderful life for myself. It’s not what I saw for myself 15 years ago. My house is smaller. But my house is wonderful and so truly “me” that it’s the favorite hangout spot for many of my friends. (Some of whom have bigger houses.) And in many ways my life is even more wonderful that I could have imagined.

Having to be super conscious about creating a new life will do that to you. There is nothing in my life that I do not want in my life.

My mother divorced, and her generation of divorced women really skew those depressing stats in a downward death spiral. BUT she has used her creativity, practicality and general even-keeled view of life to create a life that is envied by many of her friends (and some of mine as well.) Oh- and she retired last year and is having a great time!

So- I share my pissed-offness to say, if you are divorced, you CAN thrive and create an amazing life. It takes thoughtfulness in a different way. It takes conscious living. And it takes a willingness to really look at what you value so you can have more of that, and less of what you don’t. If you do have less money, there is simply no room for things that don’t light your fire. (And if you are working, there is wonderful new fuel to take your career and sacred earning to a new level.)

In fact, many divorced women I know are actually living more authentic and joyful lives then before they divorced (we divorced for a reason, remember?) They are focused on intentional life creation. Do they have to be? Yes. The downside is that the stats tell us that if we are not super intentional and really look at our relationship to money, we risk not having enough. But when we step back and ask “what is enough?” and how do I use my creativity to create a new life of MY own design, all things are possible. Really.


Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

Consciousness, Money and Technology – the art of staying awake and aware

ConsciousnessMy favorite definition of consciousness is very simple, yet profound: it is the state of being awake and aware of one’s surroundings.

So, this begs the question: how does one stay conscious about money, a potent form of life energy, while using technology to your advantage?

And more to the point- what is the best use of technology when it comes to thinking about your finances?

As the cofounder of MoneyMinderOnline (spending plan software that is used to track and plan your spending and income) I have spent a lot of time pondering this question. And because I have a Master’s in Consciousness Studies and Psychology, I feel literally compelled to ask these questions!

Disclaimer: first and foremost, I am a money coach (not a technologist). And as such, my goal is to help people feel better about their relationship to money. My clients want to feel more in control (like they are in the driver’s seat of their life). It is way too easy to feel out of control—like someone else is driving our money car and we are along for a scary joy ride… I became a money coach to help fix that problem.

We are all busy, and sometimes attending to our money feels like it falls between the cracks of our overscheduled lives. We would love to work on to our relationship to money if we knew how (that’s where we money coaches come in) but we want to be mindful of our time and spend it on what matters.

I’ll let you in on the big secret.

What matters is being conscious about what you spend. What matters is knowing what you need to earn. What matters is having a plan each month that takes care of you, helps you meet your financial goals, and makes you feel great about your lifestyle choices and your life.

So, you need a way to track your spending that is efficient and uses technology, but helps keep you awake and aware.

Recently, our spending plan software went through a major upgrade (hooray!). Users can now download their spending from checking and credit card accounts. And – even more exciting—MoneyMinderOnline “learns” your spending.  Your Safeway transaction will now to default to groceries. Oh happy, happy!

If you can track faster using technology, that is great. But only if you then spend the saved time thinking about what you are doing and planning where you want to spend your money this month.

Sometimes automation can lead to being unconscious. When all our bills are on autopay, for example, they often go unexamined and unquestioned.

Yes, technology makes it easier to track your finances. However, the key is to use technology correctly. It is there to give you the ability to spend your valuable time on what really matters—not to drift off into an automated money fog.

What is the point of tracking, even with the help of technology, if you don’t really look?

(I mean, just because software thinks Safeway should be categorized as groceries, doesn’t always mean it is. I ran in to Safeway last week and bought a massive bouquet of flowers as a gift for a friend. And sure, that visit to Target was for clothes last time, but that doesn’t mean your Target transactions should be categorized as clothing every time. You need to look at what your automation is assuming. You have the final say and should review all transactions to make sure they are categorized the way YOU want.)

Bottom line: technology is wonderful because it saves us time on tedious repetitive tasks. But the key is to make sure that we then use some of the reclaimed time to think, feel, and notice what we notice.

When you analyze where you spend your money, you may see where you spent differently than you intended, and why. This is where emotional money issues come up. This is where different ways to handle cash flow can be debated. This is where you think about how to create more satisfaction within your lifestyle – and contemplate how to create the life of your dreams while attending to all your financial goals.

This is the true power of technology: to save us time so we can use our precious minutes on the things that matter most.

It’s about staying conscious.


Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

What’s a Money Coach & Should I Have One?

Money CoachingBy Candace Brinkley-Badgett, published by Credit.com

I was thrilled to be interviewed by credit .com on what money coaching is- and when it makes sense for people and when it doesn’t.  As this article states, getting down to the emotions that surround money is one thing that differentiates this coaching from other forms of financial guidance.  The author really captured what this coaching can cover and how to find a good fit. The only thing I would change is that it says that I work primarily with professional women in Seattle—and I actually have amazing clients all over the world.  Enjoy this and please pass it on if you know someone who may benefit from money coaching.


When Joni McClain and Tammy Lorraine got engaged in January 2015, money, wedding costs and potential debt, were not things they were thinking about, much less the services of a money coach. They were in love and, like most couples, that took up a huge chunk of their time and brains. The giddy pair, from Austin, Texas, decided on a wedding date about 18 months away so they’d have plenty of time to plan.

But then things happened and money – not just the costs of getting married – became top of mind.

“The possibility of debt, became a real factor when Joni was laid off in July of 2015 and was out of the workforce until January of 2016,” Lorraine said.

“All my spare income that was coming in as a photographer now had to be directed toward living expenses, so it was a wash,” McClain said. “Then Sam [the couple’s dog] got very veterinary-emergency-hospital-sick-in-the-middle-of the-night sick. Making sure he was going to be all right cost us half of what we’d saved for the wedding.”

While the couple has been fortunate to have friends and family contribute their time, talent, money and even the venue for their wedding and reception (thus avoiding a lot more debt than they thought they’d have to take on for the wedding) they realized they might need to look at present and possibly future money stresses. They wanted to get their marriage off on the right financial footing and eventually decided to hire a money coach.

They chose a friend from their church whom they describe as strong and powerful. (Their money coach was unavailable to be interviewed for this article).

“For us, it’s more than just experience or knowledge that a coach will provide,” Lorraine said. “There’s got to be a personal, intuitive, and for us, spiritual element our coach had to have. It’s important to us to work with someone who shares our belief system about what money is and what it represents to us, and our coach is a great match for that.”

The couple’s approach to choosing their coach sounds like it was just right, according to Karen McCall, a financial recovery counselor and founder of the Financial Recovery Institute, which specializes in training money coaches.

“Hooray!” McCall said. “What they’re looking for is somebody who’s speaking to them in terms of their values and can tune in to them with the numbers but also more on that emotional, spiritual basis. If they both feel they’ve found someone that is going to be able to listen to both of them and work in that way, they’ve done themselves a good service.”

It turns out, getting down to those emotions that surround money for a lot of people is what really differentiates money coaching from other forms of financial guidance.

Is a Money Coach Right For You?

Money coaches aren’t for everyone. For example, they’re not necessarily a good choice for people having money issues because of one-off financial occurrences, according to Mikelann Valterra, a money coach in Seattle, Wash. So, if you got into debt because of medical bills or other extenuating circumstances, you may just need a lawyer, accountant or other financial professional to help you resolve the situation, she said.

“I think the perception that’s hopefully changing is that people do what they do around money solely because of lack of skills,” Valterra said. “But if that were true, everyone would go out and read a book on how to handle money better and then no one would have any issues around money. The reality is, money is a very, very emotional topic because it hits on survival issues and self-esteem issues – people are so afraid that if they really look at their money situation they’re going to have to make huge changes in their life.”

So how can the average person tell if they need a money coach?

“The issue isn’t debt, because people get out of debt all the bloody time. Money coaching looks at patterns,” Valterra said. “So, if you have refinanced your house three times, there’s a pattern going on. If you have paid off your credit card debt, but three years later you’ve racked it back up, a money coach would be perfect. If you just got a raise, but you still have nothing in savings, if you’re tired of being stressed around money, tired of feeling guilty about spending…feeling out of control, a money coach is perfect.”

Valterra, who works primarily with executive women around the Seattle area, said coaching addresses more than just money management.

“I deal with both the earning side and the spending side of the equation,” Valterra said. “Are people underselling themselves and are they making enough money and that’s very complex. Part of it’s skills, part of it’s emotional mindset and what we feel like we deserve to have and why we undersell ourselves.”

Amanda Clayman, a financial therapist based in New York City, suggested other good times to consider a money coach are situations where you have goals around money that you haven’t been able to achieve, changes that you haven’t been able to maintain, or you just feel stuck and unhappy.

“One of the benefits that a coach can provide is they give you some feedback about appropriate goal setting,” she said.

Finding the Right Money Coach

It’s important to speak with a few coaches to make sure you feel a connection, Clayman said. “You want to be thinking ‘How engaged do I feel with this person, and do I feel like this person really understands me?…or do I feel like this person is just trying to sell me a package or results, but I don’t really feel heard in this exchange.’”

When beginning your search for a money coach, Clayman advised:

  • Know what your goals and objectives are
  • Know the kind of working relationship you want (e.g., are group sessions OK or would you prefer one-on-one sessions?)

It’s also good to keep in mind that money coaches are not regulated. They’re not required to have any kind of specific education or licensure, so do your homework and watch for red flags. You want to make sure you find a reputable person to help you. While money coaches aren’t regulated, there are many groups throughout the country that train money coaches and issue certifications.

“Anyone can call themselves a coach,” Clayman said. “So you might want to ask a coach about their training, look at their testimonials or ask if there are other people they’ve worked with that you could talk to about their work.”

Basically, if you find anything unsettling about a money coach, that’s a strong indicator you should look elsewhere, Clayman said.

“Anything that sounds too good to be true probably is,” Valterra said.

Also watch out for coaches for whom you can’t find any referrals, she said, and take a close look at their qualifications.

“Education and training is important, and if they’ve helped people get the results they wanted, that’s huge,” she said. “I’d recommend people look for someone who has done training as a money coach or training as a financial counselor.”

And, as Clayman said, finding a coach who feels like a good fit is key.

“It’s such personal, intimate work, so you want someone who you really like and trust, who you really like the way they communicate,” Valterra said. “It’s pretty all-encompassing, looking at long-term, deep change in terms of thinking and behaviors and feelings around money.”

How Much Should I Pay? 

Costs for a money coach vary from region to region and from coach to coach based upon their expertise, level of education and experience, but the typical range is from $50-$250 per hour, which could be too much for some people looking for help with their money habits.

“A common question is ‘I have money problems, how can I afford a money coach?’” Valterra said. “And one answer is that people tend to save more money very quickly in working with a money coach than they’re actually spending on the money coach. Even though that is often true, I’ve still had many cases where I’ve referred someone that my services would be too expensive and might harm them, either to a new coach who’s charging less or sometimes their situation is just not appropriate for a money coach, they just need a quick fix.”

There’s also the option of working with a money coach who lives in another region and may charge less — if you’re comfortable with email, video chats and other electronic means of communicating.

Finding a student money coach who is working on their certification is also an option.

“A very cool thing that very few people know about is that new money coaches do have to work with what we call practice or supervised clients for a reduced fee,” Valterra said. “That’s definitely a win-win for everyone.”

According to McCall, coaches in training can cost between $25 and $50 per hour. She personally supervises the coaching being done by trainees under her guidance. Before she lets students interact with clients for the first time, McCall ensures they are really well grounded in the process, that they are empathetic and understanding, and that she feels clients will be comfortable with them.

How Long Should You Work With a Money Coach?

How long you might need to work with a money coach depends on your specific situation and needs, but Valterra, for example, has clients she’s worked with for many years.

A relationship that can start off with regular sessions can, of course, end once a client achieves his or her goals. Or it can become a lasting relationship that turns into to quarterly or even annual “tune-ups.”

“I keep my clients for years and years and years,” Valterra said. “I’m like the family doctor; they just don’t see me as often as they used to.”

For McClain and Lorraine, the answer to how long they would work with their coach was simple. Kind of.

“Until I can resist buying new patio furniture for our new house?” McClain said, sheepishly.

“Until I embody the principles my coach embodies as well, or I’m out of debt,” Lorraine said

“Yeah, that,” McClain agreed.


Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.

Money & Creativity 5 Minute Video

I recorded this five minute video on how we can all design our lives to step more fully into creativity. When we get clear about money, options open and the way forward becomes clear. We are meant to live creative lives. And embracing creativity often means getting creative with money as well. When you are clear about your finances, all things are possible. So here’s to more inspiration and passion! Enjoy these thoughts and the stories of people who designed their creative lives.


Mikelann is a money coach with over 20 years’ experience, helping women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. If you are ready to leave money stress behind and design a life you love, please see www.seattlemoneycoach.com and read about this life changing work.  Once there, grab her free eBook on how to stop worrying about money.