All posts by SeattleMoneyCoach

Podcast: Flourishing After Forty—Your Midlife Money Mindset

Podcasts

Take me on a walk this month by listening to this podcast about your midlife money mindset! Host Kim starts by asking me about what takes courage, and I share about dancing in the upcoming national Tango competition. Yikes. From there we look at how to think about your childhood money story and how this affects your money mindset.  We dive into overcoming underearning, guilt-free spending, stepping into true prosperity, and being financially stress free. One key: dispel the ‘money fog.’ Yes, you really can get rid of the stress and anxiety caused by financial vagueness and create a life you LOVE. Dive into financial psychology with me. Enjoy!

Podcast: Buzzsprout

Podcast: Your money personality in relationships and divorce

Podcasts

In this podcast, I join Karen McMahon for her show, Journey Beyond Divorce. Karen is a high conflict divorce coach and strategist, and we explore the concept of how your “money personality” affects relationships. Divorce often uncovers hidden money patterns that impact both your relationship and divorce negotiations. So, in this episode, we explore how your money personality—whether you’re a spender or a saver—shapes your marriage and divorce. We dive into the deeper financial motivations that may be influencing your decisions and offer strategies to break free from limiting beliefs around money.

Divorce isn’t just an ending; it’s an opportunity to reshape your financial future. Learn how to use this time of transition to create clarity, confidence, and joy in your financial choices. You can emerge from divorce with a healthier relationship to money.

Podcast:  Apple | Spotify | YouTube

Podcast: Midlife Women Entrepreneurs and charging our worth

Podcasts

Want to feel better about charging money?

Listen in as Lynette Turner chats with me about women and charging people money. We dive into how the money fog affects your pricing and business decisions, and—most importantly—how to lift it. I reveal why most women have no idea what they actually need to earn, how perfectionism quietly sabotages income, and why undercharging is often rooted in emotional conditioning—not skill. If you’ve ever underpriced your services, avoided your bank account, or thought, “Who am I to ask for that much?”—this is your wake-up call.

Get ready to shift your money mindset, reclaim your worth, and start treating money as the sacred tool it truly is.

Podcast: Apple | Spotify | YouTube

8 ways to access the wisdom of your future self for spending decisions

Metaphysical Money Path

wisdom of your future selfBy Mikelann Valterra, MA. AFC®

One of the best questions to ask yourself when you debate spending a larger sum of money is “what does my future self think of this?” Asking this question lifts and expands your vision and thinking. It takes you from living solely in the moment, week or month, to thinking about who you are becoming. Wow. In fact, considering the “future you” has one of the biggest impacts on our relationship to money.

The problem is that we often think of our future self as a different person whom we don’t feel very connected to. This is known as “temporal discounting,” meaning we discount the future. Our future self simply doesn’t seem like us. So, it feels as if we are sacrificing for a 3rd person we don’t identify with. (“I guess I shouldn’t buy that thing I want.  I should ‘go without’ today, to save money for this future self tomorrow. What a drag.”)

Our future self is so disconnected from us that we prioritize the present at the expense of hurting this future self. But the problem is that it is up to us to take care of who we will be in the future—to ensure this future version of us has what she needs to be happy– money, good health, time to enjoy life. Who else will take care of her, if we don’t?

The good news is that our future self holds great financial wisdom, and life wisdom.

So, the real question is, “HOW to connect to the future you?

Often, I find just stopping and remembering to think about my future self, and what her advice would be for me, is a powerful move. However, the more we engage with her, the better our decisions. It’s about developing a relationship with our future self, so we are more connected to our future. She becomes a trusted partner.

Remember, this is not about living only for the future. You simply want to include the future you in your discernment and decision making process.

So, how do we get to know our future self better?  Do this:

Stop for a moment. Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Now envision yourself in ten years. What does your environment look like? What are you wearing? What is your home like?  If you have kids, how old are they? Where are they? Who are you spending time with?  How do you feel physically? What are you doing with your time? Journal on this. Think about this. Envision this. Share this.

Then, when a large purchase decision arises, ask her—“Do you think I should spend this money? Are you happy for me or worried for me?” Ask for guidance and insight.

When I debated investing a lot of money into branding and upgrading my website in my business, I consulted the future Mikelann by doing some journaling. (see below.) She had a lot of interesting thoughts, including asking me where I saw my business in ten years! She was cautious about simply throwing money at current problems.

When I wanted to buy a $4,000 couch, I asked her opinion. (She likes home design too.) She countered that it seemed amazing, but could I then maybe wait on the new dishwasher?

When I wanted to extend a potential international trip for an extra week, I checked with my future self by taking a long walk and thinking about what she would advise me, and then came home and did some journalling.  She was nervous. Why was she nervous? She was worried about my energy and brought up how stressed I would be on my return with a backed-up client schedule. She also felt the extra money wasn’t worth it and it would make it difficult to keep my investing on track for the year. And this investing is ultimately for her, so she has more time in the future than I have right now in the present.

Sometimes she is excited and knows the purchase is for our mutual self-care. She liked the personal trainer, for example, even though it was rather expensive.

Do you want to access the wisdom of your future self? If so, here are 8 ways to access the future you for making money decisions:

  1. Get out your journal or a legal pad and answer this question—“ What does my future self think about spending this money? Is she happy for me or worried for me?” Try to write a short paragraph. What do you notice?
  2. Go a step further and write your future self a letter, asking for her advice. Then pretend you are her and write yourself back a letter.
  3. Advanced writer idea: Create a dialogue– imagine you are writing a two person scene, and go back and forth—creating a conversation between you and your future self about your potential spending.
  4. Take a walk with your future self and imagine her advice to you as you walk with her. Is she happy or worried about this spending?
  5. Use your active imagination. Do a relaxation and then spend time really visualizing her in your mind. Then ask her for advice and imagine her response.
  6. Look for synchronicities. The universe speaks to us. Let your future self speak through the world we move in. Pose the question you have about if you should spend this money, and then look for signs around you as you move throughout your day. One time I asked the question, “should I spend the money and attend this dance festival”? I looked out for signs all day. On the way to the gym, I passed a bus that said, “Don’t buy it now. Wait for the upgrade offer”. Wow. That was a pretty clear message. Sure enough, I waited, and a better deal came when I talked to a friend the following week about a similar festival.
  7. In your prayer time, invite her to pray with you. She is a prayer partner you may not have considered before.
  8. For the verbal processers, use your wonderful friends. Tell them, “I’m trying to figure out what my future self thinks of buying this, and if she is happy or worried about me…” Good friends will let you talk it out.

Connecting with your future you is a unique combination of accessing your intuition, stepping away from instant gratification, and being thoughtful about the future. Few things are more important.

So, ask yourself, what does the future me think of this? Is she excited? Happy? Nervous? She will tell you if you listen.

Should I really buy this? How to find long term satisfaction

Practical Money Path

Financial therapy in action

By Mikelann Valterra, MA, AFC©

“Can I afford to take two weeks in Hawaii?” … “Should I do the facial package?” … “I really want a new couch!”

Spending decisions are all around us. “Should I really buy this”? “Can I afford this?” “Should I do this?”

I often tell my clients,

“You can do anything you want, but you can’t do everything you want”.

So how do you know what you truly want? In the coming weeks, I’ll share a series of questions I pose to clients to help them make better spending decisions. These questions tap into our intuition and other parts of ourselves, so we make a decision we feel great about.

Benefits of good spending decisions:

  • Avoid feeling guilty over purchases.
  • Discern faster if you should buy something.
  • Process a potential big purchase on multiple levels to ensure satisfaction.

Welcome to an important aspect of financial therapy.

Today’s spending decision question is: Will this purchase give me short term or long-term satisfaction? Said another way, will it give me a fleeting feeling of pleasure or long-term happiness? Is this just about feeling good right now?

One way to discern this is to ask yourself: when did this desire arise? If it is very recent, it is likely a short-term satisfaction hit. If it’s been on your mind for a while, it may be about long-term satisfaction. I didn’t want the 18k gold earrings at Macy’s until I saw them. But once I saw them, I wanted them! Short term satisfaction!?

Another way to get at this is to say,

“How will I feel about this purchase a month from now, if I spend the money?”

There is nothing wrong with short-term satisfaction. But naming it puts you in a powerful place. If it is short term satisfaction, you may want to spend less. You don’t need to invest as much if it is clearly short term.

While I decided I’d still like the earrings a month from now, I didn’t need to invest in the expensive 18k gold pair. I bought a gold-plated pair that was on sale.

What also helped me decide was another trick—I walked away for an hour. I went to buy something that was on my list, while I mulled over my desire for the earrings. Whenever caught in the “I gotta have it!”  simply walk away for an hour. If you still deeply desire it when you come back, it may be connected to long term satisfaction. Regardless, you will make a more reasonable decision when you come back to whatever caught your eye.

Short term satisfaction is often experienced when you are “in the moment” shopping- whether online or in person. Something catches your eye, like jewelry. If a purchase is pre-planned, it is likely more connected to longer-term satisfaction.

This is one reason why shopping with a list is helpful and satisfying. When we purchase from a list we made, we feel less money guilt and more thoughtful. We’ve also had time to look forward to the purchase, making the pre-planned purchase even more enjoyable.

When you pose the powerful question, “Will this purchase give me short term or long-term satisfaction”? it also immediately calls you to your values.

When spending aligns with one of your core values, it is more likely to give you long-term satisfaction.

If you value the outdoors and hiking, hiking gear will give you greater satisfaction than expensive party clothes you spy while shopping. I value dancing and rarely hike, so for me, good tango shoes will give me greater long term satisfaction than the cute hiking shorts or boots I discover while shopping.

If you value home, a good quality couch purchase can feel great and give you long term satisfaction. If you are rarely home, an expensive couch may simply have caught your eye and be about short-term satisfaction.

It always pays to be aware of what you value, when it comes to spending money. If a purchase is connected to one of your values, it is more likely to give you long-term satisfaction.

Remember, this is not about forgoing or depriving yourself by always saying no. It’s about being truly satisfied over the long haul. It’s about feeling good with how you spend your money and buying things that really do give you long term satisfaction.

podcast midlife fulfilled mikelann valterra

Podcast: Midlife fulfilled—What is YOUR tango?

Podcasts

podcast midlife fulfilled mikelann valterraFrom money fog to tango, this is a fun podcast episode. I guested on Bernie Borges Midlife Fulfilled Podcast, that is for those over 40 who are ready to thrive. We talked about the connection between money and happiness, how to simplify your finances, and yes, tango. Part of working with money is getting clear on what is important to you and protecting it.

What makes you happy?

It can’t only be about bills! For me, it’s tango. Learning how to work with your money is key to making sure you find the fulfillment in life you deserve. So, what is YOUR tango? Enjoy this fun episode.

Podcast: Apple

The Better Divorce Podcast

Podcast: The Better Divorce

Podcasts

The Better Divorce PodcastIn this conversation, Paulette Rigo of the Better Divorce Podcast, and I delve into the intricate relationship between divorce and finances. Does financial anxiety disproportionately affect women? Yes! We talk about the emotional aspects of money management, and the importance of understanding one’s money story. I also talk about the differences in how men and women approach financial anxiety and the significance of addressing these feelings to regain control over one’s financial future. AND we explore the historical shifts in women’s financial empowerment, with stories from our own families. From me, to mom, to my grandmother. Whew! Intense!  So, listen in for a fascinating discussion of women, divorce and our relationship to money.  You really can have a “better divorce”.

Podcast: Apple

Does money buy happiness? Maybe!

Emotional Money Path

By Mikelann Valterra, MA, AFC®

Would a nicer house and new car make you happy? The answer is likely yes, particularly if your current house is getting too small for your family and your current car isn’t as reliable as it once was.

But does money have the power to make you happy?

The answer is: yes. And then no.

What?! Up to a certain point, more money DOES bring more happiness.  And then no, after a certain point, it does not. Where is that point? Let’s find out.

We have all heard of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, right? This is related to “need theory”. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we must have our basic needs met before moving forward to self-actualization and greater happiness. Generally, basic needs are considered food and shelter. Then safety, security, and health.  Next comes the need to belong (be part of a family or community). Towards the top we need self-esteem and a sense of purpose.  And of course, we all want to be towards the top of this hierarchy of needs. This is where happiness really begins to flourish.

When you are towards the bottom of a “needs hierarchy”, and you don’t have your basic needs met– you don’t feel safe and secure– then more money absolutely will help you feel better and fuel your well-being. Driving a car that doesn’t chronically break down DOES relate to wellbeing. Healthy food? Yes. Stable and secure housing? Money helps with these important needs, and it DOES impact your level of happiness. But now notice that the further up you go, the less money has to do with the hierarchy. Friendship, love and self-actualization do not require money.

Can money continue buying happiness at the higher levels of Maslow’s hierarchy?

The studies say no. In fact, there is a famous and oft-cited study out of Purdue that says earning above $95,000 per year (at 2018 values) would not lead to an increase in well-being. You can argue with this number and say that it depends on where one lives, and how big their family is etc. etc. All true. But don’t miss the point of this important study—there is a point beyond which more money does not equal more happiness.

That point may be different for different people/cultures etc., but the important point remains—beyond a certain level of money, acquiring more money does not bring more happiness. In fact, some studies suggest that you start getting diminishing returns. It takes too much energy to sustain a high lifestyle etc.

One key to being happier, and not having it connected to how much money you have, is to focus more on meaning than “happiness”. Why is this? Because meaning is enduring.

One of my favorite books of the last few years is Bruce Feiler’s Life is in the Transitions.  In it he talked about a landmark 2013 study, where it was found that meaning trumps happiness.  Says Feiler, “Happiness is fleeting while meaning is enduring; happiness concentrates on the self while meaning concentrates on things larger than the self; happiness focuses on the present while meaning focuses on stitching together the past, present, and future.”

Happiness is about immediacy. It is about pleasure. Pleasure is wonderful and we all want it. This is found in the lower levels of the needs hierarchy, and is super important. I feel pleasure at good food, good sex, a car I love, etc.  But meaning is more about deeper fulfillment that comes from pursuing meaningful activities. It is about purpose and connection to others. And it is found in the higher levels of the needs hierarchy.

I agree we need both happiness—pleasure—AND meaning. Money will definitely help us lead lives where we are well cared for. But it cannot take us to the higher levels of fulfillment, where a deep sense of meaning is found and felt.

Having a conscious relationship with money and using it to create a solid base in our lives is important. But past a certain point, its only purpose lays in supporting us as we move on to higher levels of life satisfaction.

Podcast: How to talk to your kids about money

Podcasts

Listen in on a great conversation I had with Susie Pettit from the Love Your Life Show. We talk about how to overcome our financial anxiety and build money confidence. We talk about our money mindset, and helpful things we can do as parents to teach our kids healthy habits around money and about financial literacy. And we explore what happens in our brains when we are out shopping. We also chat about why women may feel more worried about money around the empty nest or during divorce, and much more. Enjoy the conversation!

Podcast: Apple | YouTube

Are you caught in the illusion of the End of History?

Emotional Money Path

By Mikelann Valterra, MA, AFC

In my recent article, Taking care of the future you. Who is she? I shared how difficult it is for our brains to imagine ourselves in the future. It is as if that future person is not us. It’s someone else. This makes it hard for us to save money for “her”. Getting to know her—imagine who you will be in the future—helps us save money for her.

But the rabbit hole goes deeper than this. We struggle imagining ourselves in the future. True. But when we do imagine ourselves in the future, we tend to assume she will be like the present us. She will want the same things, do the same things, have the same goals and desires. In effect, we think we won’t really change that much from who we are right now.

But think about how much you HAVE changed. When I think of the Mikelann of 35, a young married wife and mother, I had not yet discovered creating art. I couldn’t imagine getting divorced. I had not yet started my meditation practice that would impact so much in my life. I see all of this now, looking backward. I have changed a lot. We all have. And I will continue to change in the future…

The “End of History Illusion” is what psychologists call the tendency for most people to be keenly aware of how much they’ve changed in the past, but to underestimate how much their personalities, goals, and desires are likely to change in the future.

Think about that.

People do believe that they have experienced significant personal growth and changes in taste up to the present moment, but they believe they will not substantially grow or mature in the future.

In short– we think that who we are right now is who we will be for the rest of our lives.

I believe it’s called “The end of history illusion” because we think we have reached the end of our “history”. It is as if I’ve reached the apex of “Mikelann-ness”. You are at the apex of YOU. You are fully cooked. You are done becoming and have arrived at who you truly are. But it is completely false. Tastes change. Dreams change. Goals change. We encounter new people and new ideas. We DO continue growing and changing in the future.

So, this impacts financial behavior and money management in many ways. For example, we assume that if we like our job now, we will still like it in the future. Perhaps we feel we have enough energy now, so we believe that of course we will have enough energy in 5 or ten years. Therefore, we say we will wait until 70 to take social security, but we end up changing our mind because at 62 we are very tired and sick of working…

The bottom line is that if we can’t envision how we will continue to grow and change, we won’t give our future self enough resources for the new things she will need, value or desire. Why? Because the present self doesn’t feel / envision these things.

This is why saving money, even when you don’t know what it is for, is so key.  This keeps your options open for what you may want in the future, even though right now you don’t want “it”. “It” may not exist for you right now.

At 45 I was not a dancer.  I could never have imagined that only ten years in my future, I would be a dancer, competing nationally, and wanting to use all my discretionary money for tango related training and travel.  Saving money for future desires not yet born is key.

Here is a more sophisticated use of this idea. My new husband and I were debating putting down more money each month on a house payment, so the mortgage would be paid off early. I bet my future self would love to have more rental income and no mortgage. But then I reflected. Will the future Mikelann of 15 years want to keep the house, or will she sell it? If we instead invested this money into a brokerage account each month, then in 15 years I would have more options. We could put this money down on the mortgage in a lump sum. Yes. OR perhaps I will want to do something different with the money.

Sometimes financial decisions are not just about math and the best investment return.

While it is easy to look back and see the changes in our past, being open to changes in the future is more exciting if you have savings and financial flexibility. Money is ultimately about freedom. Even if you are not sure how you will use that freedom.

If you want to save more, you may have to get a handle on “lifestyle creep” so you have more money to save. But what truly causes lifestyle creep—spending more when we earn more– and how can you combat it and not feel deprived? Stay tuned for the answers to this in my next newsletter.